He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
