Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
