The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
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Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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