He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
