Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
