I have demons in me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
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Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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