I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
