people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Say something about gay babies.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
where are my pants?
in the oven.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
