Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
