She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
