Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
