You're completely useless in the revolution.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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