I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
