im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
