My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
