Do you still have your period?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
