oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
