That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Hippo gnu deer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
