why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
