I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Green mimosas i think yes
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
