I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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