No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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