so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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