If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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