Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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