My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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