Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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