What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
