So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
As shirtless as possible
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
