Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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