i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
