Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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