i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
