The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
