I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
