she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
People in love make me want to vomit
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
