1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
