We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
