yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
