Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize