I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
