chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We need to get me chipped asap
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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