tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
