i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
