That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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