I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My dick has a subreddit
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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