i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
