Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
