You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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