Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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