I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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