Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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