Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
