i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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