I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
