i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
