Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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