I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
