it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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