the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
