Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
