I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
