At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Randomize
