Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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