I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
