i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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