if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
