My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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