I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize