i think my mom watched the whole time
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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