Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize