Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
