she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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