Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
