I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
