JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
