I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
