Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Floor bacon is actually really good
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
