don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my liver is dry heaving
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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