Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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