How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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