eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
