everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
